partnership

Fundraising is a curious thing. There are a lot of contradictions in it; at least, that's how it seems to me now.

For example: it both is and isn't about me. It's not about me because it shouldn't be. It's about the mission of God and the ministry to the students at Carbondale. I can't make myself too important in my own eyes - too put together or perfect. When I do, I start to worry about why people won't DONATE TO ME. Or I start to get confident in my training and skills and plans and not the power of Jesus. I start to get trapped in my own narrative of what's important: staff, me, my budget, my gifts. It's not about me.

But it IS about me! The money I raise is my salary and goes to train and equip me to be on campus; it reflects my unique skills and the gifts I bring to the table. I also have numerous donors who give or will give because they like *me.* So there's that same pressure from Malawi -- to have a plan and a strategy; to be worth the financial investment people make on my behalf. To earn their approval and respect.

More and more I am reminded that humility and brokenness are the ways of Jesus. I saw clearly this semester, this summer, that all my skills and training usually end up less valuable than Jesus changing my life. When I was honest with my doubts and struggles and my relationship with God -- THOSE were the times I was a blessing.

I'm so glad God called me to Malawi. More and more I see what He did it for -- not only in the great breaking and healing He did in me there, but in the way He used it to prepare me for fundraising. I realize that I shouldn't make it overly about me. I shouldn't strive to earn God's (or donors!) approval. I shouldn't approach from a 'donor/aid' perspective but from that of a humble partner. Or servant?

Intervarsity (as much as I love it) is not the sum of God's kingdom, and I am to the tool of His mission. Ultimately this is about God's love for me. It transforms me. Friends: what people need is Jesus, and he's transforming us to be like him.